The Chip: Heartbreak and Homecoming: The Yankees Lost While I Was At Rho

By Tony Peroni
Correspondent

This past weekend, the College celebrated its 164th annual homecoming festival. The party kicked off in lots 3 and 4 in the early hours of the morning. 

Old dudes in frat letters lined the lots, brews cracked, pigskin flying, tents erected. Many of these groups of old men were part of brotherhoods that no longer exist on campus, and haven’t for decades — a time capsule of youth and a testament to brotherhood. As the sun laid low in the sky, plumes of charcoal smoke filled the atmosphere. The burgers were meaty … as meaty as their necks. 

Students and alumni arrived to the parking lots just past noon. Hugs, handshakes, chest bumps and daps were exchanged as students and recent graduates saw each other for the first time since May. There was a giant mobile unit selling alcoholic beverages for a reasonable price. It was sick, not gonna lie. Students were ecstatic.

“This is definitely the only day of the year TCNJ feels like a regular university,” said Toby Hanks, a senior finance major. 

“Wow, I can’t believe a Bud Light is less than $4!” exclaimed Tonya McAffee, a senior economics major.

“This isn’t fun unless you’re in Greek Life or 21+,” said some freshman whose name we didn’t bother to find out.

As the tailgate winded down, students and alumni alike returned home for food and slumber in preparation for the biggest event of the year: Rho Homecoming, aka Rho Coming. 

I napped a good nap, ate two bowls of Ramen, and put on a collared shirt. This is the best I have looked since my senior prom. My entourage and I arrived at Rho confused and disgusted by the fact that it has been renamed Cooper’s River View. We will acknowledge the change, yet ignore it nonetheless. 

Trenton’s hottest night club was absolutely bonkers.

“I’ve been dancing nonstop since 3 p.m.!” exclaimed a very good dancer, and senior health exercise science major, Jim Schmidt.

“Rho/Coops is a very fun place to hang out and blow off some steam,” said senior history major Debra Zingle. 

“Shut up, the Yankees are playing,” said me, a Yankees fan distraught at the fact that my boys in pinstripes were behind the Astros 3-2 in a best of 7 series, tied 4-4 bottom of the ninth away at Houston. 

I watched as Aroldis Chapman gave up a two-run walk off homer with an out away from extra innings and a possible game 7 for the Yankees to win the ALCS, get into the World Series and maybe even win it all for the 28th time and be the best baseball team in the world again.

Ahhhhhhg. I’m so mad. I was and still am legitimately upset. I don’t even follow sports, but I cared about baseball this year and now I’m mad. And this happened at Rho. >:( AHHH. OK… OK… Sorry… I’m OK…

Yeah so besides the fact that the Yankees lost while I was at Rho, students and alumni, young and old, STEM or no, can agree that homecoming was a blast and a half, and it was a great weekend to be a Lion. 

Disclaimer: This is obviously a satirical piece and does not describe a real event.

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