You have taken years off my life, caused my hairline to recede and mocked my taste for skinny jeans. I’m sorry to tell you this, but we’re done.
No, don’t make this about me. It’s all your fault. But I’ll never forget the few good times we shared.
You gave me a wonderful staff to work with. There were moments when I would stand in the newsroom watching our lovely little family hard at work, and I would feel overwhelmed with pride. Of course, they took after you with their quick tempers and taste for cheap booze.
And I hate to say it, but I’m leaving you for another woman. Now that you’re out of the picture, I can commit myself fully to my girlfriend – Kelly Duncan, Signal News Editor. I know this must be hard for you, but she keeps me young.
With that, I hoist a drink to our miserable relationship, and to my wonderful professors – Donna Shaw, Kim Pearson and Emilie Lounsberry – thanks for molding me into a journalistic machine. And to Christopher Klim, my professor and mentor, for giving me the courage to do what I once thought was impossible.
And now I must leave you for the ranks of the unemployed. I wish you well, and I’ll always try to remember the good times.
-Joseph Hannan, Editor-in-Chief, The Signal
By Signal Seniors
Bye DormSpace fashion,
Full inbox and Stud basement,
Hello comfy bed.
-Kristen Lord, Features Editor
Four years down the drain,
¡Hasta la vista, puppies!
I’ll sleep better now.
-Kelly Duncan, News Editor
Goodbye Signal Staff!
Thanks for all the memories,
And the squidy bits.
-Allison Singer, Final Copy Editor