The Chip: Q: What Are Saturdays For? A: The Boys!

By Tony Perronini
Correspondent

A healthy routine is an absolute necessity for any hard-working college student. 

In the morning, I wake up, wash my below-average looking face, and if choke down a dry cinnamon pop tart before attending my 8 a.m. astronomy lecture. After class, I sit in the library and watch Twitch live streams of two dudes from Sweden playing FIFA, until I notice it’s far past ‘meal equiv’ and I have to dash to my 2 p.m. microbiology class. When I get home, I sit in my quiet, quiet room and do my homework until it’s time to wash the layer of grease off my face and call it a night. I do this every day. It gives my existence order and something to look forward to in every part of the day!

When I wake up on Fridays, there’s a different type of smelly smell in the air. Ahhhh, it’s so sweet and so close. What’s that smell? No, it’s not cotton candy and loving hugs from your grandma. And no, it’s not the three-week-old guacamole I left on my nightstand. It’s Saturday! And it’s so close!

The weekends are a totally different animal in my little life. In fact, I can’t even remember a weekend that wasn’t momentous or outrageous in any way shape or form! 

Sometimes on the weekend, I wake up at 7 a.m. and breathe in the fresh Saturday Morning Air. This air is very different from the air during the week. It smells like the weatherman pumped good smellin’ chemicals into the air for Saturdays and Saturdays only. This air is unlike the air during the week. This air… smells really good! 

At 7:15 a.m. I stop sniffing the air and make myself a big cup of coffee in my favorite mug. The mug is very funny and very sarcastic. It says, “don’t even THINK about talking to me before I’ve had my coffee!” I usually laugh at it, until I realize my entire family is asleep and nobody would get to hear my joke. 

I sit in silence and watch more Swedish dudes play FIFA until my father, Boris, wakes up from his slumber, with work boots on and a big tool belt around his waist. I help him build a bench for sitting and sitting only until the late afternoon. It’s just me and him, my father and I, Boris and his son (NAME REDACTED). Haha, it’s just the Boys! This is what Saturday’s all about right?!? The Boys. 

When my mother, who was given the name of Patty by her parents, comes to check on us, Boris and I hiss at her like feral cats. Patty doesn’t belong in the garage with the Boys. It’s Saturday!

Haha just kidding I actually really like my mom. We have a really close relationship and she actually helped us out a lot while making the bench, If you’re reading this, I love you, Mom. 

But yeah haha, you get it, right? Saturdays are for the Boys, and sometimes your mom.

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