‘House of Cards’ is a binger’s nightmare

“House of Cards” debuted on Netflix last week on Valentine’s Day. If you are like me (which I pray you’re not), then you spent that day in bed with Ben, Jerry and the iconic Frank Underwood. Hot. If you haven’t started watching yet, you’re an idiot. If you have started watching it, you are still an idiot, mostly because it’s so addicting. I finished 13 episodes in a weekend. There’s nothing like a good binge. The season was absolutely incredible with a premiere that hits you like a train.

Pharrell looks so young because he’s happy. (AP Photo)
Pharrell looks so young because he’s happy. (AP Photo)
So Simon does have a heart. (AP Photo)
So Simon does have a heart. (AP Photo)

Just in case you were wondering, no, Pharrell Williams is not a vampire. Apparently, Pharrell is 40 years old and has looked the same for the past 20 years. So, of course something supernatural is involved. Not a good skincare regimen. Not a balanced diet. Not good genes. He is a motherfucking bloodsucker. Pharrell released a statement (most likely at night) saying, “No, I am not (a vampire) … I’m willing to go on record as saying that I don’t drink people’s blood.” Hmmm, sounds like something a vampire would say. Has anyone ever seen Pharrell eat pizza with garlic? I rest my case.

Former “American Idol” judge/Plain White T icon Simon Cowell welcomed his first child into the world. On the delivery of his child, Cowell stated, “It was the worst bloody thing I’ve ever heard. You are by far the worst crier ever. I’ve heard births on cruise ships better than this.” Then Paula Abdul walked into the delivery room and stole all the epidurals. At least that’s what I wish all happened. The baby is a boy named Eric, who I’m sure will grow up to have his mother’s eyes and his father’s moobs. Congratulations, Cowell family!

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