In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spearit. Amen.
That, at least, is how I hope the new musical, which tells the story of Jesus Christ, featuring Britney Spears’s catalogue, will start. In what I’m sure many were waiting
for, the musical will chronicle the life of Jesus set to the tune of Britney Spears’s catchiest songs. What many would call blasphemy, I would call phlegmy (Britney, don’t breathe so heavy). I could just imagine Jesus at the Last Supper singing “Piece of Me.” No word yet on whether a musical on the origin of Satan featuring the best of Christina Aguilera is in the works.
While Spears is getting closer to the heavens, another star is taking that seriously. In up, up and go away news, Lady GaGa is set to become the first musician to sing in space after she launches from a rocket in New Mexico in 2015. If she’s trying to find a place where Katy Perry is not on the charts, she’s going to have to travel quite a while. I’m very upset Gags will get the distinction of being the first singer in space. I’m sure Azealia Banks is going to strap a bottle of Pepsi and Mentos to her ass and try to beat her.
J. Biebs is trying to beat away the controversy surrounding his apparent stay at a Brazilian brothel. Apparently, he was even filmed by his alleged prostitute while he was sleeping. Boy, you don’t even disarm your woman from holding a Kodak? What the hell does Bieber need Brazilian prostitutes for? He could walk into any high school and it would be like
an outdoor market. Selena Gomez, the ball is in your court. I’ve heard Hungarian brothels are quite the rage.