By Krian Bempf
Another week, another smattering of college parties. Since we’re in the middle of pledge season, the partying has moved away from the frats and sororities and into all manner of crannies and crevasses around and off campus. The fountain of alcohol can hardly stay tempered!
The smash hit this weekend was a relatively small affair on Saturday night, attended by 10 to 15 freshmen who managed to spend all night in the library in a study room on the third floor. As one of the instigators explained to me, “It really wasn’t too hard. A few of us just brought some Library-approved mugs full of Smirnoff and Skyy. Nobody would have even suspected, I guess … unless they caught us.” Faces flushed, the revelers roamed the floor and found the American Literature section, where it was suggested that shots be taken for each time they found a book they had read in high school.
The alcohol ran out a short time later, but that didn’t stop two revelers — obviously smitten with each other — from wandering off. They were found by building attendants that morning, spooning in the window seat overlooking Alumni Grove on the fourth floor. Said one of the spooners, “As it turns out, we both had to read ‘The Great Gatsby’ in our senior year. I swear … she looked just like Daisy in the movie. She was the green light at the end of my dock!”
Friday night saw the most raucous bash, held in a quad in Wolfe Hall. Word had spread of a floor beer pong tournament, and the room had begun to fill with unholy amounts of people. Pong, having occupied one roommate’s bed in the corner, was being dominated by a duo that identified themselves as “Two-D.” With five cups left to their opponents’ one, they watched with admirable intensity as their perfectly aimed pong ball circled the rim of the Solo cup, as the other team frantically tried to blow the ball out, to no avail. When reached for comment, the members of Two-D began to make cat noises, and then left the room, a six-pack of Blue Moon in hand, and scurried downstairs to place their prize in their dorm room fridge. CAs were conspicuously absent, as the thumping bass, screaming and stench of alcohol became noticeable to passers-by. Said one of the quad members, “I’m pretty sure someone peed in our sink. We’re pretty pissed about it.”
Off campus, a medium-sized party was held at the falconry team’s house. One confused party-goer asked, “Falconry? Wait, you mean, like, with actual falcons?” In a bird-brained scheme to impress the young lady, an intoxicated falconer led her downstairs to show her the Falcon’s Roost: the basement of the house that is filled with falcons. An undiagnosed orinthophobic, the woman passed out at the sight of the numerous birds. Panicking, the falconer dialed 911. Ewing Township EMS arrived on-scene and took her to Capital Health Medical Center where her condition was listed as Stable. Fowl play is not suspected.
Decker Hall played host to some impromptu dorm-drinking that took a violent turn on Tuesday night. The mood was tense as one suitemate broached the rather sensitive topic of Central Jersey’s existence. Another suitemate, enraged at the geographical oversight, exclaimed that both him and his girlfriend were from a town in Monmouth County. An unfortunately timed phone call, however, was answered by the third roommate, who was responding to a question over where the trio was currently. By answering, “Decker,” the second suitemate perceived a threat against his girlfriend, and brawling ensued.