NJAC kills women’s tennis

The New Jersey Athletic Conference will no longer support women’s tennis, after a panel of local head coaches decided the College’s 31-year win streak within the conference was “getting a little excessive” and voted to disband it.

The move was approved in a 5-2 vote last week held at Lions head coach Scott DiCheck’s house, with iced water and orange slices reportedly being served throughout the meeting.

The Lions have moved on to smacking oranges. (Photo courtesy of the Sports Information Desk)

Only the College and second-place Richard Stockton voted against the motion, which will take effect immediately as the season ended with the Lions earning the title last fall.

“Playing (the Lions) is sometimes like being Jason Terry isolated one-on-one with Lebron James, at best,” former Rowan University head coach Pedro Mill said. “One of them is the best in his field and the other is Jason Terry. It’s just not fair to our girls to have Lebron James posterize them every week.”

In what will now go down as the final NJAC season last Fall, the Lions won 10 games and improved their all-time record within the conference to 143-0.

Some within the conference had already been grumbling about the lack of parity, and DiCheck’s decision to serve orange slices instead of a more tasty, nutritious snack apparently ensured the NJAC’s demise.

“That was a big mistake — he should know (former) Rutgers-Newark head coach Bianca Herold doesn’t like oranges. She’s trying to limit her sugar intake,” local sports analyst Keith Glock said. “Oranges are good in moderation, but at the same time I think the coaches would have liked a snack with a better protein-to-calories ratio and a bigger ‘wow’ factor, like peanut butter.”

DiCheck defended his decision, saying the criticism of orange slices as a snack was based on faulty nutritional knowledge and a lack of taste.

“Who doesn’t like oranges?” he demanded to know in a hostile press conference held Monday, when told of the ideological rift in snack preference within the NJAC. “It’s ridiculous. You don’t always satisfy everyone when you pick the snack, but oranges are about as good as it gets — no cholesterol, few calories, lots of potassium and it’s a great source of fiber, which leaves you feeling full.”

Regardless of why the eventual 5-2 vote went against him, though, DiCheck was not a fan of the potential ramifications it could have on the local economy.

“I knew something like this would happen eventually, to be honest with you, I’m still a little disappointed (in the vote),” DiCheck said. “Women’s tennis has become a huge economic boost to small businesses in the area, and we all know how much Ewing loves (the College) being here, so it’s disappointing we let them down.”

Others have disagreed, Glock being one of them, a completely unbiased observer who compared the NJAC coaches’ pettiness in snack preference to “Republican stubbornness in Congress.”

“This is the stupidest decision in the history of sports,” Glock said. “NJAC women’s tennis provides, or provided, dozens of jobs in New Jersey. This is the kind of heartbreaking story you see on ‘Deadspin’ in-between ‘Drunken hookup failures’ and just shake your head at.”