If you’re like me, which I hope you’re not for the sake of your well-being, you watched the Grammys. The show was opened by Taylor Swift because what hasn’t she opened this year. *Side eyes* Of course, she took the time to diss Harry Styles by saying, “So he calls me up and says I still love you. But I said, I’m sorry, I’m busy opening up the Grammys.” EXCUSE ME. Do you want your head shaved because I’ll be happy to do it for you. Taylor Swift is the root of all evil. She’s obviously trying to tear teenage girls apart as they’ll start choosing sides. Claire’s will be a warzone. The rest of the night was as enjoyable as a dinner with Hannibal Lecter so I will not waste anymore precious paper on it.
But I have no problem using up this space to tell Ke$ha to take a bath. In an interview with BBC Radio 1, the pop singer explained that people often tell her that she smells like a hobo. And I quote, “I smell like a hobo. One time, someone told me I smelt like a shrimp on a diaper. I thought I could make a fragrance that was a little like a shrimp on a Faberge diaper but I don’t know if people want to smell like that.”
Gurl, get your Red-Lobster-platter-with-a-side-of-cheesy-bread ass into a bucket of water! Nobody wants to be around that. Like can this girl get an endorsement deal with Garnier Fructis so she could at least shower when she shoots the commercials? Ke$ha also explained how she once drank her own urine and loves to roll around in baby oil and glitter. Questions? Comments? Concerns? How about all the above.
Let’s take a look at the Twitterverse! Uh-oh, another celebrity twitter fued? Who is it this time? Oh, Justin Bieber. Can this jerk get a child lock on his phone already? The drummer for the band Black Keys, Patrick Carney, was asked what he thought about Justin Bieber whining about how he did not receive a Grammy nomination. Carney responded, “He’s rich, right? Grammys are for, like, music, not for money … and he’s making a lot of money. He should be happy, I guess.” Justin responded in a tweet, “The black keys drummer should be slapped around haha.”
Haha? Is this a joke to you, boy? You should damn well respect your elders. You don’t need a Grammy award. It would probably be a choking hazard for you anyway. Carney should worry about the Beliebers, though, as they are a force to be reckoned with. The power a 14-year-old girl holds is unrivaled. Proceed with caution!
And just in case you were feeling good about yourself today, know that Angelina Jolie’s daughter, Vivienne, is making $3,000 a week more than you. Yes, that’s 3,000 DOLLARS, not legos. Vivienne has received a role in her momma’s upcoming film, “Maleficent.” By the end of this month, this girl could pay for an entire semester of college. You could obviously tell she is not of the ramen noodle eating variety. Well good for her! Off to a great start. Excuse me while I go sell my blood to pay for a textbook.
Jessica Simpson Baby Watch: Jessica is trying to turn around so make sure you’re not in the danger zone!