Hold on: a good man is hard to find

Dear Sweta,

I have been with my boyfriend from home for almost two years. During that time, we went on a break and I was with this other boy I met here. The other boy treated me like total crap though and I left him to get back together with my previous boyfriend. We have been doing well ever since.

However, I have recently started hanging out with the same boy that I used to be with. My boyfriend is amazing but I am so attracted to this other boy. What should I do?

Is all fair in love?

Dear Is all fair in love,

Well, first of all, not everything is fair in love! It is understandable that you and the guy from the College are in close contact with one another because he’s here and your boyfriend is at home. And there is absolutely no reason why you can’t stay friends with this guy.

The thing to remember here is that there are a lot of guys and girls out there who are compatible with each other when it comes to being friends, but there are only a certain few who can have a relationship and really make it work. Being attracted to more than one guy is not your fault. There are some people we are just more attracted to than others and there is nothing we can do about it. However, is your attraction over-stepping the boundaries of what is considered good, clean fun?

Honestly, you have a much easier decision to make then some people do. You have already been out with this guy and you already know what type of boyfriend he is. Just because he’s a good friend doesn’t mean he has the skills to be a good boyfriend, or the ability to understand what you need out of a relationship.

My advice is to try and think of the way he treated you when you did go out with him whenever you feel that strong attraction coming on. That way, you’ll remember that although he may be a good guy, he’s not cut out for you.

On the other hand, if you feel he’s changed, or perhaps that you’ve changed, you should talk to your boyfriend about it. If he’s the type that will feel insecure, make him realize that the reason you are talking to him is because you don’t want to hurt him and you want to be honest with him.

Your current boyfriend may want to take another break and let you figure things out. This could be a good move if you really feel that there is something between you and this other guy.

But, if this other guy hasn’t really changed, do you really want to risk an amazing relationship for a not-so-amazing guy? If the answer to that question is “yes,” then you need to speak with your current boyfriend about how you are feeling immediately. Long-term relationships have their highs and lows, but the last thing the relationship needs is for pent-up feelings to be expressed in the wrong way.

A lot of people don’t realize that those feelings toward the guy or girl who isn’t your boyfriend or girlfriend could really ruin a relationship. Again, it’s natural to have an attraction to other people, especially if you are in a long-term relationship, because you’ve been with the same person for so long. It just depends on the level of attraction and how you deal with it.

The point I’m trying to make here is, don’t express yourself in the wrong way by letting your attraction get to the point where you do something inappropriate with the guy and lose your chances of ever being with your boyfriend again. Before it gets to that level, talk to your boyfriend about it and free your mind of that burden.

Also remember that you deserve what is best for you and if you think this guy is going to treat you badly again, you shouldn’t put yourself through that.