I’ve been with my boyfriend for a pretty long time and last night he started talking about how lately he’s been feeling like our sex life has become boring. He said it’s because I’m not outgoing enough and that I shouldn’t be so shy because I should already be comfortable with him. I know I am comfortable with him but I don’t know how to be outgoing in the sexual sense of the word. I’m worried that if I try to take charge, I’ll feel stupid or I’ll keep giggling. What should I do?
Dear Sexually Shy,
A lot of girls are really shy about taking charge and being dominant during intimacy. Letting the guy take charge is a primal instinct, but times are changing. Women used to be considered subservient to men; obviously we got over that one quickly. Women have more influence in today’s society than men do, so why is it so difficult for girls to take charge sexually?
Honestly, I think it may have something to do with courtship. A lot of girls and guys think that the guy should be the one to ask girls out and the guy should be the one to pay for a date.
So, it is automatically assumed that during sex, a guy will take charge. That assumption is dead wrong. A lot of guys like to have the girl in charge because it gives them time to relax and not have to be so concerned about her pleasure. I understand that if you’ve never taken charge before, it can be really nerve wracking and you may feel a little bit self-conscious and even a little foolish.
My advice is to start out slow. If you really are comfortable with him then you’ve already expressed a lot of feelings to him. If you feel like giggling, go ahead and do it. Sex is supposed to be fun and if something silly or unexpected happens, letting it slide and laughing about it won’t ruin the mood, which is all that really matters anyway.
Here are a few steps I’ve put together to get you from sexually shy to dominating diva:
1. Start out slow with something that isn’t face-to-face.
Leaving him an erotic and intimate voicemail can get him seriously eager to see you. If you feel like you’ll laugh or won’t be able to verbalize how you’re feeling, send him an erotic text message instead, that way, he won’t have to hear the self-consciousness in your voice and you won’t have to put yourself too far out there.
2. Be aggressive when making out.
Pushing him against the wall and making out with him isn’t going to hurt anybody and you won’t feel so foolish and giggly if the heat and passion are really there. Just make sure it isn’t in the middle of Eickhoff. We all love cute couples but nobody likes excessive PDA!
3.You’re ready for handcuffs.
OK so maybe handcuffs are a bit extreme, but if you can verbalize how you feel sexually and start a random makeout session, you can pretty much do anything else. Being sexually outgoing will make it fun for both of you because then you can both express your passion in a number of ways. An added bonus: if you can both verbalize how you’re feeling sexually, then you can explore new and interesting options so your sex life can never really get boring!