My boyfriend and I got into this huge fight the other day about oral sex, mainly because he never returns the favor. In my opinion, oral sex is considered sex, but he doesn’t think so and that’s why he doesn’t feel it’s important for him to perform it too. I don’t really know what to do or how to convince him that it is sex and that he should think of it as more of a big deal. What do I do?
Dear Orally Challenged,
First of all, many women don’t even realize how common it is for men to receive oral sex way before they ever give it. I think one of the main reasons is because in the beginning of a relationship women are shyer to ask for what they want, but as a relationship develops, they become more in tune with what they like. The problem then is that guys automatically assume that they can expect to receive oral sex without “returning the favor.”
Another reason is because guys get lazy and don’t want to have the pressure of having to please their partner. My best advice for you is to talk to him about how you are feeling, calmly and rationally. If you let him know that you think oral sex is more intimate than he makes it out to be and you want to be able to share in that intimacy, he’ll be more likely to listen to you.
There has always been a huge debate about whether oral sex can be considered sex. Anybody who is old enough remembers that in the late ’90s, President Bill Clinton said that he “did not have sexual relations” with Monica Lewinsky, and since then the debate has raged on.
So, in lieu of your argument with your boyfriend, I decided to conduct a poll. I asked a random sample of 86 students from the College, whether they think oral sex should be considered sex. I divided the sample into girls and guys and found that there isn’t much of a difference between the answers, or between genders. Basically, the population is split right down the middle.
Many people nowadays don’t realize that oral sex has many risks and when hooking up, people think that oral sex is a way to be intimate without actually “giving it up.” But beware, because oral sex can transmit most of the STI’s that vaginal or anal intercourse can transmit.
Then again, sexual intercourse is just that, intercourse. The argument here is that since oral sex isn’t really intercourse, oral sex should not be considered sex.
The point here is, sex or no sex, anything you do intimately with your partner should be special and if you think oral sex is sex and is a big deal, you should let your partner know how important it is to you.