National Lampoon’s Sports Minute or So

By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart and Chris Strait

In basketball news, Upper Deck Authenticated’s new Kobe Bryant action figure is so realistic you can’t even get the ball out of his hands.

Fox featured San Diego State alumni Mark Grace, Jeanne Zelasko and Kevin Kennedy on the same program. We’re not sure what’s stranger; the fact that all three broadcasters attended the same school or the fact that three San Diego State grads actually managed to find jobs.

FSN Northwest will not renew a broadcast deal with the Portland Trail Blazers. The network has decided to move away from amateur athletics.

Speaking of amateur athletics, the Boston Celtics severed ties with guard Sebastian Telfair after he was arrested with a loaded gun in his car. Too bad – Telfair was the only shooter on the team.

Detroit Tigers first baseman Sean Casey flew home recently to find his car up on cinder blocks with the windows smashed in. Authorities have ruled out Manny Ramirez, who is incapable of hitting anything.

Cubs broadcaster Ron Santo is in the hospital while undergoing tests for an irregular heartbeat. What brought on the palpitations? Following the Cubs.

Justin Timberlake announced that he’d like to play professional golf. Joey Fatone is excited, as he was looking for a new job caddying.

Deceased running back Damien Nash’s brain has been donated to science. What a blow to Pacman Jones, who has been waiting for a brain for some time now.

And the Indianapolis Colts visited the White House. President Bush was happy for the change of pace – meeting an offensive line instead of uttering one. Bush was presented with a number 43 jersey, commemorating his status as America’s 43rd president, as well as all 43 states.

National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) is a humorous look at the sports world, written by five comedians and edited by Sports Illustrated humor columnist Steve Hofstetter.

For more info on the Sports Minute (Or So), visit