She’s written dozens of columns in the past year-and-a- half and answered questions you wouldn’t dare ask your closest friends. You’ve read her articles every week and you’ve always wondered, “Who is she?” As she gets ready to begin the next chapter in her life and pass on her column to a new advice guru, Kayy has finally decided to reveal a bit about herself, her plans for the future and (of course) leave you with some parting words of wisdom.
As a sociology and women’s and gender studies major who briefly dabbled in the journalism program here at the College, Kayy could not have been more suited to bring a relationship column to the pages of The Signal. Women’s and gender studies taught her about sex, femininity and masculinity, while sociology taught her how people’s identities and experiences can mold them into unique individuals.
“My two majors along with my personal experiences have taught me so much,” she said.
Kayy has always been an avid sex researcher and the person who her friends turned to for advice – but she wanted to do more.
“A lot of papers have a relationship column,” she said. “I wanted to do something alternative that addressed all these questions that students have.”
But even more than her desire to help answer her fellow students’ questions, Kayy wanted to use her column to convey a simple message: it’s okay to be curious about sex.
“I wanted people to realize that they’re normal and that hundreds of people have thought about the same things,” she said. “Sex and relationships aren’t as simple as TV and magazines make them seem, and you shouldn’t be afraid to communicate with your partner and friends about different issues.”
While she’s covered scores of topics (and received her share of hate mail along the way), Kayy’s favorite column to write was one of her first: “To come or not to come,” which addressed the issue of female orgasms (or lack thereof!).
“It was one of my first columns and I’ve grown so much since then, so there is a lot that I would change about it,” she said. “But the truth is, people just don’t talk about it. Guys don’t know what to do and women don’t know enough about their bodies to say what they want. We should be taught how to say yes and how to say what we want, or we’ll never be satisfied.”
In the past three semesters, Kayy has answered some pretty touchy questions – and dealt with fear of backlash before some of her columns, like those about fetishes and anal sex, were printed.
Still, there’s no subject she felt was too taboo to tackle: “As long as it is legal and consensual, do whatever the hell you want as long as no one is hurt in the process,” she said. “There are enough people in this world telling you what you can and can’t do, and I don’t want to be one of them.” Her goal, she said, was never to tell students the difference between right or wrong, but rather to give them the information that they needed to make informed, healthy decisions.
So what’s next for Kayy? She’s put her existing columns into book form and is planning to copyright them in the hopes of making a sex manual for college students. Other than that, her future remains up in the air.
“I’m figuring things out, and I’m comfortable with that,” she said. “I’m taking this time to figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life, because I’m interested in 10,000 different things.”
Of all the wisdom she’s imparted in her writing, she hopes the message that stays behind is one of being comfortable with yourself and your sexuality.
“Don’t be afraid of your bodies and your physical and emotional feelings,” she said. “Recognize them and think critically about them, because they are a very big and important part of your life. Be yourself and keep your lines of communication open.”
While her days of writing for The Signal may be over, this will probably not be the last that we hear from Kayy.
“Looking back at three dozen columns, I feel like every one was fresh and exciting,” she said. “I had a lot of fun doing it. I absolutely loved it. It was a great experience and it’s something I want to keep doing in the future.”