“Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters”
5 Stars (for ATHF fans.
For anyone else, don’t even bother)
Directed by Matt Maiellaro & Dave Willis
Starring Master Shake, Frylock & Meatwad
What do a talking burrito, a flying watermelon spaceship and a kitten cannon have in common? Not a damn thing, and that’s the beauty of the Cartoon Network darling turned big screen endeavor “Aqua Teen Hunger Force.” The show, which usually runs in segments no longer than 15 minutes per episode, has (somehow) been stretched to a lengthy 87 minutes.
The film opens with a musical number performed by singing condiments and snack foods (probably the finest eight minutes to hit the silver screen this year). It then loosely follows a storyline based around the three Aqua Teens (Frylock, Master Shake & Meatwad) as they look to discover the secrets behind the Insane-O-Flex exercise machine. Along with the irreverent trio, the movie also features many favorites of the show including Carl, the Plutonians, MC Pee Pants, the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future, Dr. Weird and the Mooninites. Not a lot of coherent sense is ever made throughout the film, but that’s what has intrigued viewers of the show and will undoubtedly cause fans to see this movie more than once.
If this movie review has made any bit of sense to you, then head on over to the theater and see this film. If you are still stuck at trying to imagine a kitten cannon, then steal your floormates’ Aqua Teen season one DVD and see if it’s worth spending eight bucks to see a film that means nothing and revels in its (brilliant) lack of standard structure.
3 out of 5 Stars
Directed by Nimr?d Antal
Starring Luke Wilson & Kate Beckinsale
The movie begins like oh-so-many other horror-thrillers: a couple is driving on a dark and seemingly abandoned road terribly late at night when they (surprise!) break down. Left with no other choice, they travel by foot before coming across some sort of psychopath who the audience knows will eventually try to lure the couple into a false sense of security before ultimately trying to massacre them for no real reason.
“Vacancy” follows this formula pretty strictly, although the little bits of flair and strangeness that are added to the plot put some meat on this tired old cash cow’s bones. While the feuding couple (Wilson and Beckinsale) is looking for a phone to call a garage, they run into a seedy hotel room, “the honeymoon suite” to be exact.
Shortly after settling into their roach-infested room, the couple stumbles upon a stack of snuff films featuring the torture and murder of several people. After closer investigation it is apparent that they are actually in the room from the video tape, and after even closer investigation several cameras are found hidden around the room.
The next hour can be guessed. The couple runs for their lives, hides throughout the motel and battles the killers who hunt them like game.
The movie, though predictable in some spots, does have a few good scares and some pretty intense moments. The movie goes about as far as its unlikely and limited plotline will allow it to, and although the ending will probably leave audiences with a “That’s it?” feeling, the adrenaline rush the movie gives you is worth going to the theaters (or at least renting it in two months).