Ask Kayy

Dear Kayy,

I’ve noticed sometimes that when I’m really enjoying sex with my boyfriend, I feel like I have to pee so I usually make him stop what he was doing, even though it was really good. I’ve also experienced this when we’re fooling around and I get really self-conscious because a few times I’ve let myself go. Somebody told me that this isn’t actually pee but “female ejaculation.” What exactly is that and is it normal?

Fear of Pee

Dear Fear of Pee,

What you’re experiencing is actually stimulation of the G-spot (named by Ernest Grafenberg in 1950), which is an area about a third of the way into your vagina. This has been somewhat controversial, as I don’t want to confuse the G-spot orgasm with a “vaginal” or “mature” orgasm. These terms were created by Freud, who claimed that orgasm that occurs from stimulation of the clitoris is “immature” and not as favorable as the orgasm that occurs simply from penetration alone.

Today we know that most women cannot orgasm from penetration alone and that stimulation of the clitoris is the only way of reaching climax. So the G-spot is not the center for a “vaginal” orgasm but is simply a hyper-sensitive area, which many people believe is still connected to the same nerves as the clitoris. So while your orgasm might feel different, it is still coming from the center of female pleasure, the clitoris.

The G-spot is best stimulated by use of the fingers but can also be found during oral sex or through the use of a dildo specifically shaped and curved for G-spot pleasure. Placing a pillow under your hips also helps, and after your partner inserts their finger(s) about two to three inches inside the vagina, they should make a “come hither” motion. Pressure and stroking with the fingers should be gentle at first, gradually applying more and more pressure at your comfort and to the point of climax.

Note that not all G-spots are located in the same area for different women and some have a harder time finding it than others. Take your time and be patient. (In fact, it hasn’t even been proven that all women have G-spots.) Certain sexual positions are also more conducive to G-spot stimulation, like lying on your sides with the woman in front, or woman on her stomach with her legs together and her partner on top of her.

There are also unique feelings that a woman experiences during the G-spot orgasm. A heightened sense of pleasure and sensitivity can occur, as well as more lubrication than usual. Most notably, on the other side of the G-spot is the urethral wall which leads to the bladder. I remember finding it almost comical that I kept saying frantically “Wait! I have to pee!” and then suddenly realized that I was experiencing my first G-spot orgasm.

Most women have a similar experience, so make sure right before sex you go to the bathroom (which you should be doing anyway) and if you feel a strong urge, take a break from sex and go to the bathroom. If you find you didn’t have to urinate, go back to what you were doing. If the urge to urinate comes again, just stay patient and calm and remember that your body is playing a trick on you. When trying to find the G-spot, it is crucial that you are comfortable with your body and your partner.

It seems that for you, and for many other women at one time or another, you feel that you actually do urinate during this experience, leading to guilt and embarrassment. There is no need to be embarrassed, because it sounds to me like you are experiencing female ejaculation. This sounds strange, as many people only associate ejaculation with the penis, but this is untrue and perfectly normal.

Stimulating the G-spot actually leads to stimulation of a “urethral sponge” (see Skene’s glands in diagram) located behind the vaginal wall. While you are experiencing these heightened feelings, this sponge creates a fluid that is emitted from the body during the time of orgasm. This fluid comes out in a slow stream but can also shoot out more quickly, resembling a male orgasm. It actually comes out of the urethra, where urine comes from, which explains why women feel like they are actually peeing.

This is nothing to be embarrassed of. In fact, you are experiencing something that a lot of women never get to. And since women have described a G-spot orgasm as more intense and pleasurable than clitoral stimulation or penetration alone, enjoy it! Be comfortable and confident in your body, and talk to your partner about this experience so she or he understands what’s going on.

Woo orgasms!