National Lampoon’s Sports Minute or So

By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart and Chris Strait

This week was Lincoln’s birthday. That reminds me, four score and seven years ago the Celtics won a championship.

Scottie Pippen is considering a comeback to the NBA. And we’re considering laughing at him. Pippen has been working out in preparation, mainly on a stairmaster and a time machine. Of course, Pippen has already been offered a deal by the Celtics.

James Hylton, 72, became the oldest man ever to qualify for the Daytona 500, despite leaving his turn signal on.

The University of Illinois will retire its Chief Illiniwek mascot after the basketball season. The NCAA says that it’s demeaning and the school cannot keep it unless it starts to win as much as Florida State.

Closer Keith Foulke retired after spending just one day with the Cleveland Indians. We’re hoping the Indians trade for Bonds. Wow – Foulke would sooner retire than pitch for the Indians. The team hasn’t been this embarrassed since “Major League II.”

And police arrested a Vermont man after he was caught pleasing himself on a ski lift. A sad, tragic end for Bode Miller.

In football, Tiki Barber will be a football correspondent on NBC’s “Today Show,” where he will make Matt Lauer seem not as bald.

Mavericks owner Mark Cuban fully endorsed the idea of gay players coming out, saying they would become “rich heroes.” Which is good, since they’d have to purchase their own locker room.

Duke may not even make it into the NCAA Tournament this year. If they do miss out, they’ll either play in the NIT or contend for the NBA East.

National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) is a humorous look at the sports world, written by five comedians and edited by Sports Illustrated humor columnist Steve Hofstetter.

For more info on the Sports Minute (Or So), visit