Sorority girls’ intentions to join are questionable

The end of this semester officially marks the end of my stint at the College, and I am a little upset about a few things, one being sororities.

Now, a lot of “culturally refined” people see Greek life as a disgrace to our more sophisticated activities like opera and other corny stuff like that – that doesn’t really concern me. I’m more upset with some of the myths being perpetuated by the media and by some girls in sororities. Have you ever gone up to a sorority sister and asked why she decided to join? I have, and I get the same bullshit responses: “I’m doing this for sisterhood or community service.” Sure, and I’m white.

Now, you’re probably wondering why I’ve limited my discussion to sororities and not fraternities. Well, it’s simple: Most of the frat guys I know are honest. Seriously, when I ask one why they joined, the following answers generally follow: to get paid, get laid or get booze (sometimes all three). On paper, they may give the bullshit responses that girls give, but they really don’t believe it. Have you ever met a frat guy who said his main reason for joining is for brotherhood and community service?

So, what are the myths being perpetuated by the girls in sororities? Here are some:

“I joined to do community service.”

That’s about as believable as a porn star’s acting. Who joins a social group where the parties are endless and hooking up is easier than Paris Hilton only to do community service? I’ll tell you: No one, because it’s a myth.

If you really cared about community service, why not join Habitat for Humanity or some other group to do actual community service? I’m not talking about that watered down stuff like bake sales and painting the fence of a rich neighbor. No, I’m talking about going to New Orleans to help with Katrina victims. No one in their right mind wants to do it. Two options: actually help black people in New Orleans or raise a dollar and send it to New Orleans. I’ll just do the latter. I’m not saying it’s wrong, because I don’t do either; I’m just saying stop using this as the main reason why you joined Greek life.

Myth two: “I joined to spread diversity or multiculturalism.”

If that’s your main reason for joining, you might as well join the Rainbow Coalition and see if Jesse Jackson can give a few speeches. Martin Luther King Jr. got shot trying to spread multiculturalism, and you think you can do it?

I’ve never seen a sorority girl give a march on Washington or protest against discrimination. A sorority spreading multiculturalism is like a white dude trying to broaden the art of dance: It’s noble, but it’s probably not the best way.

So here is my conclusion: Girls care more about their image and they actually start to believe these myths. Well, I don’t. It’s okay to lie about it: On my r?sum?, I look like Gandhi. I just hate it when people make themselves look better than what they really are.

As a result of this, I have officially ruined my chances with every sorority chick on campus. No worries: I’m already in a relationship.