Dat Phan is just ‘dat’ damn funny

Friday night, the Mayo Concert Hall was filled to the brim with comedy enthusiasts vying for seats in the sold-out venue to hear Dat Phan, the first-season winner of “Last Comic Standing.”

As part of the Asian American Association’s Experience Asia month, Phan joked about racists, Asian stereotypes, his parents and his childhood.

Some people, Phan joked, are so racist they don’t even know it. “Y’all Mexicanese, crossing the border on your boats,” he said.

Making several jokes about his mom, he mentioned her thriftiness at the supermarket. His family grew up poor, so his mother was a “coupon mom.” She would go to the register with $200 worth of groceries, pull out her “coupon bible” and be left with a $10 bill.

“My mom’s so gangster at the supermarket, dude,” Phan said, joking that he and his mother would get into the 10 items or less line with 20 items, “which we didn’t pay for because of coupons,” and she would give him 10 items, yelling to the cashier that she didn’t know him. “She gave me the money to pay (and yelled) ‘I don’t know him!'”

He also commented on the new style in baby adoptions, with white celebrities like Angelina Jolie adopting children from Asia. “I want to be the first Asian guy to adopt a white girl,” Phan said.

Phan also discussed his ex-girlfriends. “I think it’s every son’s job to bring home a good girl,” he said. “I’m surprised she hasn’t turned me gay yet,” he said, explaining that his mother never approved of any of his girlfriends, most of whom were white.

“I know all you white girls are angry with Asian girls for taking your white guys. You know the way to get back at them: have sex with me!”

He said his interest in comedy started in college, when “I realized I was the only Asian who failed math, and what’s worse, the five people who sat around me failed too.”

He went to a two-year college “for seven years” and dropped out when he realized he didn’t want to be a Spanish teacher, he said.

Opening for Phan was Chris Clobber, his co-writer and the one who cuts his material down, helps him modify it and make it funnier. “I call him my Yoda,” Phan said.

Clobber called himself a “chubby chaser,” expressing his excitement in coming from his hometown in Los Angeles to New Jersey, where females actually eat.

He also poked fun at the condescending slogans the police use to coerce people into following the law, such as “click it or ticket,” saying that people should use slogans when confronted by the police. “It’s our first offense, don’t beat my friends,” he said about being arrested in a group, and “Wear a smile, don’t racial profile.”

After the show, Phan and Clobber stayed around for a question-and-answer session with the audience, where they discussed how to prepare for a show, how Phan’s mother responds to his jokes when she goes to his shows (“she just stares at me”), and even settled a bet. After someone in the audience directed a question at Clobber, Phan revealed that the two had bet each other a dollar that no one would ask Clobber a question. Phan won the bet.