“F— you, said the queen.” On provocative quotes, 9/5/01

“It makes me feel tickles in my groin.” On using the word “untenable” in a news story, 9/12/01

“Delayed attribution – I know it sounds like a sexual problem.” On delayed attribution, 9/12/01

“He did this right so I should read it slowly with a sense of reverence.” On having a good paragraph in a bad article, 9/12/01

“That would make this easier than masturbation and we don’t want to set such low standards as that.” On why we shouldn’t be able to collaborate on an open-book test, 9/26/01

“That’s Trentonian bullshit!” On the use of the abbreviation “Envir.” in a headline, 9/26/01

“Bye Postie!” On the closing of post offices, 9/26/01

“During afternoon? Is that what made it newsworthy? If it had happened in the morning, hell, f— it.” On headlines, 9/26/01

“Perpetrators lead a hard life. That’ll teach ’em to perp.” On old photography practices, 9/26/01

“Find a home for salmon . that would make them . FOSTER SALMON!” On salmon, 9/26/01

“If they’re both males, I don’t think they could do it that way if they tried.” On ambiguous pictures, 10/3/01

“She could be squelching flatulence for all you know.” On assuming a caption-writer knows what’s going on, 10/3/01

“Osama, your mama.” On first names in headlines, 10/17/01

“Sis boom bah.” On using the abbreviation “sis” in a headline, 10/17/01

“Line up behind JC as soon as you can.” On people in dangerous situations finding their faith again (“there are no atheists in foxholes”), 10/17/01

“How can spirituality be strengthened? Do they lift weights and pray at the same time?” On choice of words in a headline, 10/17/01

“It was f—ing not like an atomic bomb . It was a horse fart.” On stupid quotes people give, 10/17/01

“Dominance IS complete. And you’ll know if you marry the wrong person.” On the redundancy of “complete dominance” in a headline, 10/17/01

“You don’t shit in the pot you eat out of.” On writing joke copy and headlines, 10/17/01

“Some people thought I needed to be told it wasn’t testicles. I know it isn’t testicles.” On the news editing test, 10/17/01

“We see their peepees, huh?” On a poor choice to run a certain picture, 10/31/01

“I’ve never seen a penis like that. I’ve seen a lot in the locker rooms.” On a bad picture run in the newspaper, 10/31/01

“This is from the AP, those dumb f—ers.” On an error made on an AP scholarship application, 10/31/01

“What is it about this that wants me to strangle the writer slowly while putting me knee into his groin and spitting in his face?” On the use of ‘discuss’ and ‘issues’ in a headline, 11/7/01

“There can be no less treatment for this hed than castration. And if a woman wrote this hed, then I don’t know.” On an overline and underline that said the same thing, 11/7/01

“Did anyone else see her? No, I was not masturbating!” On gratuitous camera shots of women during the World Series, 11/7/01

“He could have been a f—ing janitor with years of service.” On vague headlines, 11/14/01

“They’re a group of older veterans and you’re kicking them in the nuts.” On the headline “Impotent military men request Viagra from gov’t,” 11/14/01

“Please don’t leave it hard on people by leaving out the little weenie things.” On commas, 11/14/01

“I love these automatic weapons where you can cut a man in half and watch his navel go one way and his balls go in the other.” On the ruthlessness of fighting in Afghanistan, 11/28/01

“How the f— do you set a new record? ‘He set an old record in the 100-yard dash yesterday.'” On redundancy, 12/18/01

“Hope-f—ing-ly.” On the misuse of the word “hopefully,” 12/18/01

“That sounds like a sundae or something. ‘I’ll have a Mazar-e Sharif.'” On Mazar-e Sharif, 12/18/01

“They used his first name. I didn’t know we were getting familiar with the son of a bitch.” On the use of “Osama” in a headline, 12/18/01

“I can see you all stacked on top of one another … somewhere around Camden.” On New Jersey students, Spring 2004

“We’re not going to go out and trap muskrats in the swimming pool. F— no. But in South Jersey, that’s how they LIVE.” On South Jersey students, Spring 2004

“Does someone have a glass of water? We can throw it out the window and yell ‘Urine! Urine!’ and they’ll run away.” On the people outside the room disrupting class, Fall 2004

“I’m farmer Bob and one day it was snowing and I couldn’t go about my normal labors, so I went inside and I turned on the box …” Fall 2004

“You don’t really mean I’m full of shit – like if I had a hole in my skin, feces would be pouring out.” Fall 2004


“‘Discussed?’ What does that tell you about anything? Not a motherf—ing clue.”

“Your ass is grass, and I’m the lawnmower!”

“Hay Kay is an ass-kicking waiting to happen.”

“Don’t use the word ‘unique.’ There’s nothing in this world that’s unique except my lovemaking.”

“Mmmmmbob Cole.” Answering the phone

“We’ve been shit on in a number of ways, and people just look up and open their mouths wider.” On public apathy

“Something just ran through my mind and it’s gone … it was a short trip.”

“Then the Democratic Party went out for eight years, and the only thing you heard from them was long, lingering kisses on Reagan’s ass.” On the ’80s

“We may also cover unexpected breaking stories. If something good breaks, we’ll be on it like ugly on an ape, or like a junebug on a tiger lily.” From the Beats and Deadlines syllabus

“Only a couple of profs have ever objected (even after 25 years), but one malcontent retired recently, and we know where the other lives, and if he keeps bugging us, we’ll heave a clatter on his front porch some balmy spring night.” From the syllabus, on students missing class for Beats and Deadlines field trips

“We often cover the same stories as members of the local (ahem!) press, and you must never attempt to use their stories in writing yours. I gather all local coverage, and if yours reads too much like their pedestrian maunderings (as happened once long ago, and now the son of a bitch is a mail carrier), that is considered *plagiarizing*, which carries a long hitch with it, another way of saying that being caught will make your ass fervently wish to chew terbacky, as we say down home.”

“I’m sure none of us have ever seen a blind asshole – am I mistaken?”

“It appears he has a humongous dinglehooser, doesn’t it.”

“GOYA KOD” (Get off your ass and knock on doors)

“Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t take a picture, you don’t have consent. F— you, mister.” On photography (“If you can see it, you can shoot it”)

“How come when you want to kiss a girl and she says ‘no,’ that’s not consent?”

“You can go to the circus just don’t f— the elephants.” On sleeping with the people you’re covering

“Now, I’m a big fan of the NAACP, but they share something in common with a lot of other organizations – their name is too f—ing long.”

“You capitalized everything that moved. I looked over my shoulder, I thought somebody was going to capitalize my ear.” On conventions in a previous period of journalism

“We could be out dancing in vermiculite at the high school hop!” On the possible air-born spread of contaminated dust from the W.R. Grace plant

“If this doesn’t touch you, you are SOULLESS.” (interrupted by unruly students) “Shut the f— up! We’re trying to talk about whales!”

“This is one of the best ways to preserve an open area – put a cemetery on it.”

“It’s not the stranger who’s going to kill you; it’s your uncle Harry. He’s a mean bastard, especially when he’s drunk.” During discussion of the crime beat, on the nature of violent crimes being anything but random

“It’s one of my greatest achievements. I’ve been here 32 years and I’ve not once had a f—ing class outside.” On students trying to coax him into moving the class outside, under some tree

Compiled by – Heather Altz ’04, Jay Butkowski ’04, Marlaina Cockcroft ’96, Meredith D’Agnolo ’04, Conor Fortune ’01, Kristina Fiore ’05, Amanda Harris ’04, Laura Italiano ’85, John Kell ’04, Lauren Kidd ’04, Kim Krupa ’01, Amy Kuperinsky ’03, Anthony Lardaro ’03, Shawn Mecchi ’06, Kelly Meisberger ’06, Tom Murphy ’89, Christine Ott ’92, Jos?e Rose ’02, Matt Skoufalos ’01, Jeanine Skowronski ’03, Jonathan Vuocolo ’03 and Melissa Young ’03