June 1, 2020

No line left uncrossed by Jersey director

Kevin Smith is not a typical Hollywood director, and he made that abundantly clear when he visited the College last Thursday in Packer Hall.

While most celebrities don’t like to delve into their personal lives, Smith had no problem talking about his experiences.

From the tame (his recent appearance on Canadian teen show “Degrassi: The Next Generation”) to the outrageous (nearly 45 minutes about his experience with an anal fissure), nothing was off-limits.

The format of Smith’s presentation surprised many in the audience.

Though billed as a lecture, the event consisted of Smith simply taking questions from the audience about movies, comics, friends and growing up in Jersey for three-and-a-half hours.

But the unconventional format allowed Smith the opportunity to give a lot of insight into his life and making movies.

And even though he’s 35 years old, relating to a college-aged audience was not difficult. In fact, Smith just joined myspace.com.

“It’s the worst fucking addiction,” Smith said. “If you’re really cool, top eight, bitch!”

Smith’s love of comics came out early, when he revealed that his favorite superhero was Batman.

“I would love to just put the bat suit on and have fucking pecs and not man tits.”

Smith also revealed that he named his daughter Harley Quinn after the Joker’s sidekick, though he swore that his wife was behind that idea.

Smith told the eager crowd that “Clerks 2,” the sequel to Smith’s 1994 debut “Clerks,” is set to be released Aug. 18. “The same day as ‘Snakes on a Plane’!” Smith said.

The production of “Clerks 2,” which stars Rosario Dawson and Jason Mewes, sounded like a lot of fun thanks to Mewes, one of Smith’s partners in crime, aka Jay of Jay and Silent Bob.

“Once you get to know (Jason) for five minutes, he’ll take his cock out for you,” Smith said. “I’ve seen his dick more than I’ve seen my own.”

And while Smith detailed Mewes’s struggle with a drug problem for many years, he told the crowd that Mewes has been clean and sober for almost three years.

Smith also confirmed a direct-to-DVD “Clerks” cartoon movie, in which Dante and Randal decide to make a movie about working in a convenience store, appropriately titled “Clerks Sell Out.”

Smith attributed much of his success to the fact that so many different people can identify with his work.

“My audience is made up of a wacky, diverse group of people,” Smith said. “It’s all over the fucking map. We get good reviews in The New York Times and we get good reviews in High Times.”

Smith said much of his success also comes from the fact that he is simply a big fan of movies.

Smith assured the audience that the forthcoming “Superman Returns” will be good, since it is in the hands of respected comic-book film director Bryan Singer.

Singer directed what Smith proclaimed to be the best comic book movie ever, “X2.”

Of course, Smith said that the whole movie might as well be called Brokeback Mutant, since he considered the movie to be an allegory for homosexuals.

“Never mind snikt, snikt,” Smith said. “It’s all about dick, dick.”

The evening kept the crowd engaged, as there was never any shortage of questions, and no two questions were the same.

One would be hard-pressed to find another celebrity who would willingly field a question about what the world would be like if guys had little nipples on their testicles.

While not everyone was able to stick around for the full three-and-a-half hours, anyone in attendance, from the hardcore View Askewniverse geeks to the casual “Clerks was kind of funny” fans, surely got a laugh out of Smith’s seemingly endless cache of stories.

And for the many Smith fans who were charmed by the lecture, Aug. 18 can’t get here soon enough.

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