Ask Kayy

Dear Kayy,

My boyfriend is constantly asking me to go down on him, and I really really really don’t like doing it. It’s not like the thought of it disgusts me, but I feel like I’m down there forever, and I’d rather just have sex so we can both enjoy each other at the same time. I really wouldn’t mind doing it if it didn’t take forever and I didn’t have to swallow. I mean, he’s never said anything about swallowing, but I heard that guys think it’s rude. I know it sounds mean but I just can’t take the taste and I’m always afraid I’m going to gag!!! He’s never outright said anything about me not doing it, I can tell he’s disappointed and sometimes he seems like he’s getting mad. Any advice would be nice .



Dear Miss I Hate Downtown,

Big boo to your boyfriend! (Sorry.) If you really dislike it, there is no reason why he should make you feel bad about it. I mean, I’m sure you’d be a little ticked if he said no more O time for you, but I bet you would accept that he didn’t like doing it rather than beg, roll your eyes, grunt or grab him by the hair.

Women are constantly apologizing for their feelings or decisions, but there’s no reason why you should feel pressured. Rather than doing it and complaining, or making it obvious you hate it nonverbally, you need to tell him how you feel and why. I’ve heard too many people talk about how this bothers them, and personally, I’d have no problem mobilizing a “No More Head” movement.

However, before all the guys start yelling things while crumpling up this column, that’s not all I’m going to say. It sounds to me like you enjoy pleasuring your guy, but you have certain, specific gripes and don’t hate the idea of it.

I mean, people often make sacrifices in relationships, but if you honest to God can’t take it, by all means, stop reading right now and tell him to deal with a brainless relationship. If he can’t understand that or sees it as such a big problem, he puts way too much importance on the physical part of your relationship and isn’t worth wasting any real feelings or time on.

But, on the other hand, if you’d like some help with those specific qualms, here we go.

First, oral sex is not just means to an end, but is actually better as foreplay and a lead up to intercourse. You sound like you enjoy sleeping with him, so suggest you just go down for a little while until you’re ready to have sex. That way you won’t have to be down there too long, he’ll stop complaining, and you’ll reach a compromise.

Also, if you feel like it’s taking too long, mix it up. Change paces, use your hand a lot and alternate your patterns. Listen for what he likes and keep doing that for a little while, and then surprise him with a different move.

Constantly stimulate other parts of his body, and tease him a little. And yes, by “other parts of his body”, you know what I mean! If you’re nervous or don’t think he’d enjoy being touched in other more “taboo” areas, go in gradually. But, if he seems into it, that’s the green light for more exploration.

Those and other techniques will definitely get him there faster, but for some people, that’s a little scary! The end is probably the most dreaded part for most people. But trust me, if you’re doing everything well, he’s not even going to notice if you use a towel for cleanup (leave it nearby beforehand so you don’t run away and search your room and make things awkward), leave it in your mouth and spit it out (avoid kissing him till after) or swallow it. If he’s enjoying himself and he cares about you, he’s really not going to care.

I can’t write another sentence without reminding you that you should be using a condom.

Most infections or diseases that you can get during sex, you can also contract during oral sex, including herpes and HIV. So, since you’re using one anyway, get a fun flavored one like new Trojan Mint Tingle (then you don’t have to worry about swallowing anyway).

But if you’re monogamous and have both been tested for everything, and you’re willing to try but just can’t take the taste, it could be his diet. Tell him if he cuts down on the red meat, garlic, beer, potato chips, salt, cigarettes and coffee, it’ll be more enjoyable for you and you’ll be more willing to spend extended amounts of time down there.

And, one more time, if he has a problem with this issue or how you handle it, screw him!

Happy blowing!



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