Looking for an old alien? eBay delivers!

If you have never searched for anything on eBay, you haven’t lived. It is truly amazing what people will sell on eBay and it’s even stranger when those same items get bids! The Web site can be a little overwhelming for newcomers, but as an experienced buyer and seller myself, I’ve learned that not everything on eBay is worth your precious bids. Take the following examples for “This Week on eBay!”

Item #7713953747: Abraham Lincoln Photograph

Are you an idiot who has an extra $50 million sitting around collecting interest? Well, you may want to invest that money in this “authentic” 1861 daguerreotype of Abraham Lincoln and his wife, Mary Todd. First of all, I may be a history buff, but for $50 million (this is the starting bid, mind you), there are plenty of other things I could buy. A castle, for example. Or my own town. Or my own line of automobiles. But one look at this item makes you realize that this seller (who has zero feedback) is, well, insane or mentally challenged.

Item #5617373109: Advertise on Mom & Daughters! Streak, Shave & Tattoo Us!

Some people will have billboards for their business, others will have commercials on television or radio and still others will pay thousands of dollars to have two women shave all hair off of their bodies and tattoo their business all over themselves. But wait, there is more! They will also streak in the town of your choice in nothing but a bikini to advertise your business! So, yes, basically, you can sell your own dignity on eBay! Maybe I can get more than five people to join the “This Week in Geek” facebook.com group this way.

Item #5616122661: Alien from space for sale!! This is no joke!!

Taking a look at this item, I’m not sure how a race of aliens with Cyclops deer heads missing their noses and having one row of human teeth would be able to conquer us. In fact, they’d probably be the butt end of a lot of jokes. “Hey, I may not be the best looking guy around, but at least I’m not one of those cyclops, noseless, deer-headed freaks from outer space!” Still, this item might be worth the $17,000+ price tag just for conversation alone. “Oh sure, you might have George Clooney’s autograph, but check this out!” It might also be the easiest way to get people to never speak to you again.

Item #6210377111: Vintage red fountain syringe enema/douche

In October 1949, Reader’s Digest had an article that contained this item in it called “Treat Your Colon Kindly.” However, in September 2005, you won’t be treating your wallet kindly. This enema that doubles as a douche was at $44.50 (not including the $7.50 shipping) at one point, and there were nine bids from six different bidders! Do they plan on using it? Maybe there is a certain feeling you got in October 1949 that you simply cannot recreate with modern day enemas/douches.

Well, there you have it. There are only two ways to achieve this kind of madness: banging yourself over the head with a crowbar, or visiting eBay, where your dreams of finding that alien head that’s been missing from your life, can finally come true!