To the Editor:
Although Matt Esposito’s column agitates me weekly, it is Mr. McCaffrey I feel they need to address for the way he treats women in his piece “Keep it in your pants – the hook-up denigrates women.” McCaffrey clearly neglects the role gender typing plays in his thoughts on how women are and how these studies (none of which were given) were conducted. He says that the differences between men and women are psychological; I still believe it has to do with how we are raised and what gender is subscribed to us. If this were all psychological I would think that one could generalize and that more women would fall into this pattern of monogamy. Although, McCaffrey says many women are not monogamous like they desire because he “imagine(s) in most cases it is the result of a root insecurity that makes them seek emotional bonding, even if only for a fleeting moment.” I challenge McCaffrey to live the life of a woman; this in many cases is simply not the reason. Many men seem to think women are these docile creatures who must be in relationships to be happy.
We do not constantly need men by our sides to be happy, to believe so as perhaps you do just proves that men don’t understand that women can live without you. Now I am not a lesbian and I enjoy the company of men and I do partake in hook-ups and I do not see them as detrimental to me; I see them as fun. Hopefully so do the men with which I engage in these hook-ups. You are correct in stating men can brag and will be rewarded whereas when this is published I may seem like a slut for enjoying myself sexually. Honestly, I don’t give a damn. I have participated in Dr. Paul’s research and she asks about good hook-ups and bad hook-ups. You seem to focus on the bad ones. Several women report good hook-ups and they weren’t looking for a relationship when doing it and weren’t on the rebound. I appreciate McCaffrey’s attempt to explain; of course this is a generalization but that does not take away from his basic argument of how women are and how men are and it can’t be changed so women should stop engaging in these behaviors. McCaffrey you really have no place to give advice to the women of this campus. Without hook-ups women might not find the right guy because many people participate in these hook-ups.
No woman should limit her possibilities to the men on campus who sit in their rooms on Tuesday nights because they will never meet them because they aren’t putting themselves out there! Not every man is a commitment-phobe and a woman could potentially meet Mr. Right as an outcome of a good hook-up. Women do deserve more than “to be treated as an object of pleasure and then be forgotten about.” That is why women need to be safe in their actions and prepared for a potentially bad hook-up (which does not include sexual assault – if this occurs please contact the Office of Anti-Violence Initiatives or Campus Police) it happens to the best of people. There is indeed more to life than fleeting pleasure or excitement but hey it is part of life and it is a fun part of life that I personally enjoy. I have high ideals when I am looking for a mate but when I have casual hook-ups that’s not what I am looking for.
Hook-ups are usually not long-lasting so I will accept less than those ideals because it’s pointless to be searching for your soulmate at that next party; instead I’ll search at Barnes and Noble where hook-ups are a lot less common for a reason. Now having said all this I will not say this is how all women feel or maybe even most don’t feel this way but I do know other women who feel the same as I do.