The recent findings about “hook-ups” at the College have attracted quite a bit of publicity. Many are shocked that such a large number of people are engaging in meaningless sexual activity.
I, however, think it is important that we now move beyond all of that and examine the human effects of this practice.
In particular, I would like to point out just how harmful hook-ups are to women.
Before developing my argument, it is necessary to treat some of the psychological differences between men and women.
For one, women care much more about interpersonal relationships than men.
This is evident when we listen to the conversations of the different sexes. When men talk, they usually discuss things like sports, the news or an academic subject. Women, on the contrary, will talk about other people and about each other.
One study also shows that often men do not face each other while talking. Women, conversely, will look right at each other, and are far better at focusing their attention exclusively on another person.
The psychological difference which makes men concentrate on things and women on people also carries over into the sexual sphere.
When it comes to sex, just as in conversation, men interpret the experience based on the objective content, the practical experience, which of course means the pleasure that comes from it.
Women, conversely, focus more on the effect the experience has on the relationship.
Thus men will sometimes, it is sad to say, see sex as something purely pleasurable, while women will see it as something that builds intimacy and emotional attachment.
From this information we can see that women are by nature more monogamous than men.
This is common knowledge: it is a well-worn clich? that men find it harder to commit to a relationship than women.
Now, all I have mentioned above is a generality.
Members of each sex have a certain tendency to act in a certain way in interpersonal and especially romantic relationships and close friendships.
These generalities of course do not apply to everyone, and in any fully mature person things will not be so clear-cut.
No man or woman will have fully developed his or her personality if he or she have not incorporated some of the predominate characteristics of the opposite sex.
Even so, as general rules, these principles are true and valuable to our discussion.
My point in exploring the differences between men and women is to show that hooking up will have different effects on women and men.
If women are more monogamous than men, hooking up is sure to hurt them. What could be less monogamous than a hook-up?
The practice is especially damaging to women since they look to sex as a way to share and deepen intimacy.
This is of course impossible when two people have a sexual encounter without any emotional attachment.
There is absolutely nothing in a woman’s natural instincts that would make her want to engage in such a practice.
I am forced to think that in most of these cases women become the objects of manipulation by men.
Men, driven by selfishness and a desire for self-gratification, no matter what the cost to others, try to hook up with girls.
Why do women go along?
I imagine in most cases it is the result of a root insecurity that makes them seek emotional bonding, even if only for a fleeting moment.
Even if a someone looks at sexual activity very casually, it is probably because of a deadening of emotions through repeated emotional hurts.
We should also note that when it comes to hooking up, society will sometimes praise men who are successful at it while denouncing women who participate in it.
Men will brag about and in some circles actually be respected for their sexual conquests, while promiscuous women are seen as ‘easy.’ How terrible it is to treat women this way. How much disrespect it shows towards them. Truly, it must stop.
Seeing the harm hook-ups do to women, I would encourage women to absolutely refuse to take part in them.
You deserve so much better than to be treated as an object of pleasure and then be forgotten about.
There is so much more to life than fleeting pleasure or excitement. Have high ideals, look for genuine self-giving, self-sacrificing love, which is really the deepest desire of your heart.
Perhaps you think that men who live up to these ideals do not exist. I assure that they certainly do; accept nothing less.