OutKast and Beyonc? shake it like a polaroid picture

I think many people would agree that awards shows are pretty boring, not to mention relatively irrelevant.

I don’t care that much about who wins, because it won’t change my opinion of what I like or don’t like, and the acceptance speeches just make my eyes glaze over. The real reason why everyone watches these shows, of course, is for the sheer red carpet, cleavage (or entire breast) bearing spectacle that they promise: most importantly who’s wearing what and who’s performing, in this case.

The producers of Sunday night’s Grammys seemed to realize this, as the show was peppered with a whopping 18 performances that alternated with or complemented tributes to musicians that most of the kids watching have probably never heard of except for the Beatles. Personally, I’ll admit that I had only previously read about Warren Zevon but that I am a fan of Luther Vandross!

Anyhow, here’s a brief roundup in case you were busy having a life:

– Ubiquitous Beyonc? was the lady of the hour, winning five Grammys and giving several spirited and “Bootylicious” performances to prove why.

– After beating out some tough competition to win Best Rap Album, Andr? 3000 of OutKast gave the best acceptance speech of the night with a simple “Thank you” and a peace sign.

– In the beginning of a performance with 80s schmaltzy love balladeer Richard Marx, Celine Dion made her usual intense singing faces, but no sound came out due to technical difficulties (priceless!).

– Christina Aguilera gave a subdued rendition of “Beautiful” and won for Best Female Pop Vocal, but still looked repulsively skanky (bad dress and ugly Dietrich eyebrows and hair).

– Best pairing of presenters: Snoop Dogg and some anonymous posse member both holding Snoop Dogg chalices with Jason Alexander lamenting about “the best six hours of (his) life” with Britney.

– Best overall performance: The wild funk conglomeration of Earth, Wind and Fire, Big Boi of OutKast, Rob Randolph and the Family Band, George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelics, and some random guy with an umbrella, with announcer Samuel L. Jackson proclaiming, “Look inside your soul and bear witness to the holy Electro-soul!”