Alcohol: the good, the bad & the drunk: Resident Signal boozehound

It’s no secret that I enjoy alcohol on a regular basis. Because of my relaxed lifestyle, my fellow editors have pigeonholed me (respectfully) as the resident boozehound.

I have been charged with the responsibility of giving my thoughts on the art of boozing. Yes, it is an art if done correctly and efficiently.

I see nothing wrong in drinking if you are of the legal age to do so. I am enjoying a drink right now as I write in my room with my door closed, just the way I like – quiet and legal-like. I feel that if you respect the alcohol and its awesome powers, it will in turn respect you. Some though, are incapable of enjoying liquor in an artful manner, showing it the respect it deserves.

They do not know their own limits or the limit to which others around them can tolerate the annoyances they cause when they become intoxicated. People, don’t play the booze that way.

These folks are those whom I would like to see take up a life of abstinence from liquor, drugs, sex, air …

I enjoy going out to some of the finer boozing establishments in the greater Trenton area.

It gives me a chance to catch up with friends and meet new and interesting people (i.e. the guy who likes to be called Capt’n who lives above Buddy Shamrocks or the colorful Slocums regulars). I understand some people can have a great time without having to touch a drop of the sauce.

Whether or not a person takes part in the consumption of alcohol is a decision that they need make for themselves. If you are going to drink, do it because you enjoy it and, please, do it responsibly. Don’t do it just to fit in. Chances are, people really don’t want to hang out with you because you are a bad drunk.

Unwanted promiscuity, obnoxious behavior and overall stupidity are not caused by the ingestion of a little liquor; it just makes the average moron more easily identifiable. You know who you are or maybe you don’t. In which case if I happen upon you in such a state I will gladly point it out to you.

It has been said that one should never trust one who does not drink. It’s not so much the straightedge-ness that yields my distrust of Matty-O, Signal photo editor.

My distrust is deeply rooted in the fact that every time I turn around he’s taking a picture of my sagging pant line, so a large copy of the photo might be hung up in the Signal office for however long it takes me to realize its existence. He’s comfortable in his decision and I respect him and his kind all the more for it.

Embrace the booze, don’t abuse. I feel consuming alcohol legally and intelligently can be a wonderful thing. I agree with my man Humphrey Bogart, the problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.